The little Inn by the wayside

Pater Alf · Post by **Pater Alf** » Wed Jul 16, 2008 15:53

I added "Jardinains!" to the database and having done this I consider my duty for the site done...

I'm off to my weekend trip. See you all on sunday or monday!

Post by **Chroelle** » Wed Jul 16, 2008 17:47

HAve a great one. I wish it was me. We started planning such a weekend me and some friends. Canooing in Sweden and camping out and fishing, maybe with couple of beers.

Maz · Post by **Maz** » Wed Jul 16, 2008 18:32

Enjoy PA, and belated congraz too

Post by **Chroelle** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 21:38

Got bad news today.

Tanjas mother has been in and out of hospitals the last two weeks and now they figured out what is wrong.
She has severe stomach cancer, and it has spread out to her entire stomach. That means we are talking weeks or months - not years.
This is of course getting Tanja pretty down, especially because she has been so happy about the wedding, and now there are slim to no chance that her mother will live to be there.
This of course means my attention will be a bit elsewhere.
I simply wanted to let you know.

Maz · Post by **Maz** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 22:11

I am terribly, horribly sorry for you. I know there's no words that can really help you/her through these hard times

I guess only love of the close ones will help through such an experience. But... Well, it must be rough as hell. All kind of feelings, from sadness, to guiltyness to anger must be welling in one's mind during following weeks/months... Take care, and try to get thru it

And don't worry about CWF, it'll be waiting right here when you have time, will and energy to drop by, have a chat, or just have something else to think about...

eMTe · Post by **eMTe** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 22:31

My mother died of cancer. Not exactly cancer, but marrow disease, similar to leukemia. Anyway, end is always the same. She lived with it for 7 years, but told me and my father that she's terminally sick only half a year before decease. All we knew is that she's taking some pills, goes to doctor half a year and something is wrong with her white cells. A bit too high level or so, that's all we knew. I guess, knowing the unavoidable end she decided to let us know as late as possible. Now, when I look into the past, I feel it was the best choice. Fate was decided, but there was still heaps of happy time to save. If you can save at least one thing, do it.

Nothing to say about Tanja's mother, because each case is different and personal feelings too personal. So just my story.

Post by **Chroelle** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 22:55

Thanks guys. I wont stop coming here and doing work (i wouldn't miss it - since it is always a highpoint of my day to come here), but energy levels might be a bit changed.
Right now I cant stop thinking that Tanjas grandmother died of cancer, and Tanjas mother will die of cancer... Well that points somewhere very unpleasant. I tried loosing a girlfriend to cancer before, but this time things are different. I truelly hope we wont ever be in that situation.
It seems Tanjas mother has had the cancer for half a year without knowing so the slim to none chance of her surviving to the end of May is not existant as far as we can tell from what the doctors say.

eMTe · Post by **eMTe** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 20:53

Any chances for ceremony this year?

Post by **Chroelle** » Sat Jul 19, 2008 9:48

No. We talked to her mother about it and she says that the wedding is ours and not hers, and she would feel bad if we had to move it. And we also agreed that it would end up being about her dying soon instead of celebrating our love.
We have absolutely no timeperspective, so we cant even try to plan something, since we dont know if that will change anything.

Pater Alf · Post by **Pater Alf** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 12:28

I'm sorry to hear about Tanja's mum. The mum of a very close friend of mine suffers from a similar disease (but they can't even locate the main cancer) and when I think of the long talks we had and all the tears she cried within the last few weeks, I get a feeling about what it must be like to be be told that a beloved person has to die very soon...

Post by **Chroelle** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 13:25

It indeed is hard, and so far all plans of vacation-travels etc. are on stand-by. We spent the weekend with them and during the whole stay Tanjas mother couldn't come out of the bedroom - she was that sick. It pains me to see Tanja being sad about it, but she is actually copping very well so far. As soon as her mothers health is changing for the worse, I am sure there will be a much harder reaction to it.
She is getting an operation today that might help her a great deal, since she can then eat solid food again if it succeeds - if it doesn't then I dont think we are talking months any more...

Tanja has set her sights on the fact that her mother propably wont be around for christmas, and maybe not even her birthday September 26th...
Her mother said herself that if she wa going to be that sick for the remainder of the time, then she would rather have it over with.

Post by **Chroelle** » Tue Jul 22, 2008 11:48

brandonman

SGSW · Post by **SGSW** » Tue Jul 22, 2008 22:01

Hi everyone. I'm sorry to hear about your relatives. My condonlences to all of you in advance.

Haven't been able to be on computer as much as I would like for peronal reasons, and during August I won't be even near one. I'm going to beach heal my wretched faulty human body.

So try to enjoy yourselves, if possible o

Post by **Chroelle** » Tue Jul 22, 2008 22:25

Good to see you drop by when you do. Thanks for the thoughts!

I hope your summer will be great. In fact, please do some beach healing for me too. So far it seems I wont be going near any beach.

Currently it seems matters got worse with Tanjas mother. She had the surgery today, but she hasn't awoken from it, and they suspect a brainhemorage or a clut, so we actually talked about if it would be better if she didn't wake up at all. I am just so sorry for Tanja, but I dont think I can even start to imagine how her dad feels. He learned on thursday that his wife was going to die soon, and now it seems it might be sooner than later, and just before their anniversary, where they invited over 50 people to celebrate them.

Post by **Chroelle** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 11:39

And that was it.

Tanjas mother died this morning, just a week after getting the diagnose. She fell into a coma on wednesday morning, and the whole family said their goodbyes then.
This morning Tanja got a call from the hospital saying that she should come if she wanted to be there when it happened, and 20 minutes later as she was going out the door, her dad called and said that he just heard frm the hospital that that was it.

Tanja is very clear in her thoughts. We are all happy that she didn't suffer any longer than necessary, and this was for the best, so there is a sense of relief.

So now it is all about planning everything and having the funeral.

I thank you once again for being supportive to me. I really do appreciate it. It is nice coming here and reading peoples thoughts on the matter.
This is what tells me that we are closer to friends than to online acquaintances!

Maz · Post by **Maz** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 12:07

I am really sorry for you all

My condolences.

It is awfull when you lose someone close to you. Twice as horrible when it happens unexpectedly. It is so final. Word never is so ruthless.

It is no more than 2 weeks since I was carrying my grandmother on his last trip. Hard it is.

But one survives. Now it is time to feel sad, feel angry. It is time to cry. But after a while - long or short - it is time to smile while remembering all the good moments... And it is time to let your own child(ren) to know their true roots. It is your duty to teach them to know their history. To allow them to carry on the knowledge about what their grandma was alike

After all, she will always be part of your family. Your wifey, and your kids will propably have at least some characteristics derived from her. Knowing her will ease knowing themself.

Post by **Chroelle** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 12:26

I actually thought alot about that, and the good thing is that I have been taking care of Anna while Tanja took care of her mother, so I still have the image of a vibrant fun woman and not the image of a sick and dying woman that Tanja has, so I will be able to tell Anna alot about her grandmother when she gets older.

On a positive note - My mother decided that due to the situation Tanja is allowed to get her last name when we get married so she will have the exact same last name as me and Anna. Thats a big thing! Tanja was thrilled.

Tank · Post by **Tank** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 14:11

My deepest condolences.

Pater Alf · Post by **Pater Alf** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 14:41

My deepest condolences to you and especially to Tanja.

I know that words can hardly help in a situation like that, but I wish you lots of strength in the forecoming weeks. Life will go on and after a time of grief and tears there will be a time of smiling again and remembering the good times.

One question: Why do your mother have to decide what name Tanka will have after the marriage? In Germany the couple can decide if they keep their old name, take the name of the other or if one of them gets a double name. Is that different in Denmark?

Post by **Chroelle** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 15:22

Thanks.

The answer to your question is a bit tricky, as we used to have some legislation on what names were last names, what was middle names, and what was first names, but they have been simplified so noone knows what to do now

My full name is Niels Christian Randby Toft
Randby is a last name, but since I have Toft coming after that then it is considered a first name... (go figure). Since not many have this as a last name I need permission to use it as a first name from the ones that do have it (or at least it is not nice to not get it).

My mother is a bit anxious about these things as my fathers sister married a guy who took her last name. They were later divorced as he beat her quite severly, and later on he went to jail for murder. He still has our last name... It's not so nice to read about him in the paper...
My mother therefore decided to keep her name close to her, and we respect that as it means alot to her.
She said that she was not sure that she wanted Tanja to have it - not because she didn't like Tanja, but because "you never know".
But since Tanjas mother got the diagnose my mother talked to her husband and he made her realise that if Tanja needed something now, it was the feeling of close family, and we would like to give that to her. It was quite a sweet thought and Tanja was overjoyed by the message. So things turned ot for the best on that part.

I have been rather active today, so I think I will go home from work now and rest up a bit before going to Tanjas dads house tonight with Anna.